“My Soul climbed onto the paper”
You ever struggle to find just the right words to say how you’re feeling deep inside? You desperately are trying to scrape the bottom of your soul and put those feelings into words but words just fall short? When tears say more than any word could? Or the sound of a laugh speaks something only your soul can translate? That’s how I feel every time I write music.
It used to frustrate me so much that I wasn’t able to use the right words to describe the emotion I was feeling. It started to make me insecure about my songwriting and I was very critical of myself. I would compare myself to other artists that I looked up to and always felt my writing just wasn’t good enough, wasn’t deep enough or my metaphors were too predictable.
My friends and family would tell me how incredible my songs were but I always felt anything I did they would love. I’d finish a song and be frustrated that the words I had written in front of me were close but not exactly how I was feeling inside. The best analogy I could give is that I’ve heard people say they “love” their significant other, then the next breath say how much they “love” their new iPhone? Really? The word love just gets thrown around so much that it’s lost meaning.
So many words feel like they’ve lost their meaning. When something inspires me and I begin to write, it’s my emotions that lead me. I feel very deeply and at times will find myself sitting with my hands ready to write but I can’t get them to write anything down. I don’t even know where to start? So I have a rule…. “I write from my heart and not my head.”I let go of all my inhibitions and my insecurities and do my best to just let my soul write.
I don’t edit, I just write. I don’t try to make sense of it, I just write. I don’t follow any rules, I just write. As soon as I feel my head take over I take a break and try to get back to the purity of the emotions. If I try and edit as I go I tend to get frustrated cause my minds going faster than my emotions and I feel my insecurities creep up and it begins to block what I am feeling. Ahhh I hate that.
I never knew this but was once told that when I’m writing it’s like I am singing gibberish...? Only till someone recorded me while I was writing did I get what they meant – I was singing my emotions and they weren’t words. I was literally singing sounds and tones. It was all in the attempt to try and put words to what I was feeling.
In interviews I have been asked to share the stories or inspirations behind the songs I have written and this again is where I feel so small. I just desperately wish I had these brilliant stories behind the songs like I’ve heard Bob Dylan or Johnny Cash share, but I feel I don’t. I get caught trying to explain that I get these feelings from things in my life that inspire me and I feel as if I hang on for the ride and let my soul write. It’s not as cool as a back story like Bob Dylan might share but it’s my story, it’s the way I’ve always done it. In fact there has been many times when I have finished writing a song and when I’ve gone back to read what I wrote I don’t remember writing it? I just remember sitting speechless as if my soul had climbed onto the paper.
Maybe this is why people buy Hallmark cards? To try and get something that says what they are struggling to say? Maybe it’s just easier to sign your name at the bottom as if you have signed off on a contract that says “I agree with this statement”. Maybe it’s time you changed that and start writing with your heart and not your mind. Be courageous and make an attempt. Turn off your “mind filter” and just start pouring out your heart and soul. Share how you truly feel, even if you feel it comes out sounding cheesy or not quite what you wanted to say. Don’t be afraid to try. You can always come back and edit it later but that raw purity of emotion that’s deep in your soul – let it out. You’ll be amazed and what your hearts been trying to say.
One word from the bottom of your soul can mean more than you’ll ever know.I’m gonna do the same. Stop comparing. Stop deflating myself before I’ve even started. Start letting the purity of how I’m feeling just flow.
Someone once told me “Comparison is the thief of true joy” – man they were right. It’s also the thief of so much more.Good luck.
M@
